You’re Not A Real Boater Until You Have….

You’re not a real boater until you have……

1.  Forgotten to install the drain plug before launching the boat.   Suddenly realizing you’re ankle deep in water, scrambling to contort over the transom to install the plug, or rushing to get the boat back on the trailer faster than a NASCAR pit crew really means “you’ve arrived” in recreational boating.
2. Contracted a case of “raccoon eyes”  caused by permanently attached sunglasses and the sun’s rays reflecting off the water.  The “raccoon eyes” look is characterized by a mask-like whiteness around the eyes surrounded by sunburned cheeks, nose and forehead. Cold, rainy weather is the only known cure.

3.  Sent boating-themed holiday cards:  Sailing Santas, lighthouses with Christmas wreaths, Rudolph pulling a boat full of toys.   Boating-themed holiday cards keep the boating bug alive in the darkest winters.  Non-boating family and friends will just think you’ve gone off the deep end.

4.  Purchased a Jimmy Buffet CD.   This is a favorite of sailboaters, usually accompanied by a blender and a shaker of salt attached to a tether so it does not get lost.

5.  Started shopping for a bigger boat the day after you buy your first one.   Also known in the psychological field as “three-feet-itis,” this disease is characterized by irrational and envious thoughts of larger vessel ownership. Most health plans do not provide for its treatment.

6.  Sanded the boat’s bottom, varnished the hull, replaced a plank and enjoyed every minute of it.   For old boat lovers, nothing gives a better sense of pride knowing you made your classic look more wonderful than a fine piece of antique furniture.

7.  Seen a sunrise over a glassy waterway and realized you are in Heaven.   Most “real” boaters understand that boating and sailing are medically proven to lower blood pressure, whiten teeth, lower cholesterol and delay the aging process.